My purpose.
I've been thinking about this more often in recent months; since my mother's March madness occurred.
I've taken to referring to this year as "the year of the emergency room visit." I can tell you which hospital ER I visited each month and for precisely how long the subsequent stay was (or wasn't). Mind you, its only July.
But, whatever, it's become a joke among my friends and co-workers. Even my boss has had a chuckle over the seriously crazy amount of visits - after the concern of course.
My Purpose.
How sad that I can't even put an answer to that question "What is my purpose?" I'm sure i'm not the only one. In my head I have ideas. In my heart I have desire. In my gut I have a sickening, twisting sensation that is either nerves or excitement because of those IDEAS and DESIRE. My purpose.
I am a 46 year old female (soon to be 47). I'm married 21 years with 3 kids who are on their way to self sufficiency. I like to read, I like history, I like the arts. I'm athletically built, I play soccer. I run, I work out, eat well, sleep maybe too little, drink occasionally, and I like to have meaningful conversations with people. I hate gossip. I'm loyal, diplomatic, levelheaded, practical, logical. I enjoy learning new things. I don't have a degree though I'm damn close to it. I don't exactly have a desire to finish that degree because
a. I have crazy student loan debt - for nothing
b. I don't know that I want to put myself through that rigor
c. I don't WANT the Business Admin. - Marketing degree that i'm close to earning. I really have no friggin' DESIRE to achieve that piece of paper so I can be tied to some firm doing something that I have no love for. I know....I don't have to take a position in marketing just because I have the degree. It would be an achievement to have it...
When I started that pursuit I was working in Events and Fundraising. There was a desire for the marketing aspect. I was in my 30's and I saw myself doing that for a good number of years. However, life gets in the way. A third child, a new house, a new job or two and suddenly working for someone for years, doing something I don't care about has become ...uninspiring.
So My Purpose... just to clarify I'm not going to go too deep here, i'm looking at the verb Purpose. You can check out the full definition on your own but for myself, i'm looking for what my objectives in my life are. What is my plan? What are my intentions for myself, my family?
I'm pondering this nearly daily as I sit here at work with nothing pressing to do and no desire to do it. I know I need to build a plan for my IDEAS, I need to outline my OBJECTIVES, Figure out my INTENTIONS. But first I need someone to help me figure out me. Or have I done that already with that litany above.
Let me think about that.
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